Jun 8 2009

The Most Difficult Confession a Pastor Can Make

Confession: I never want to have to stand in front of The Vine and confess what an acquaintance of mine confessed yesterday through a letter read to the congregation he led.  What’s that confession?  He had an affair.  Before I proceed, I ask you to pray for him.  God knows who he is.  Just pray for him and his wife.  Pray for his kids too!  Pray for their church and the new Christians in that church. Apparently, he began an emotional/physical affair 6 weeks ago with his secretary.  One of our staffers asked me if I was surprised by this news.  My response was “it doesn’t surprise me, but it deeply saddens me.”  Let me unpack that response for a second.  

The lack of surprise speaks more to the position of the person than the person himself.  Pastors, in general, and church planters, specifically, have an unusually high adultery rate.  Pastors and church planters have a huge target on their backs.  There’s nothing more damaging to the kingdom of darkness than the light of the bride of Christ.  Furthermore, in general, new churches are reaching more people for Christ than any other evangelistic method.  Factor that in with the fact that this guy’s church was blowing up, the target on him was huge.  So, surprised?  Not so much. Saddened?  Heck yeh.  I’m deeply saddened.  This guy was in my coaching network with Perry Noble. Every guy in that group had it pounded into us that this was a reality of our life’s calling.  Perry hammered on us not to disqualify ourselves from positional and persuasive leadership through stuff like this.   In fact, he posted a blog about it almost two years ago.  He even talked to us about why and he posted a blog about it here.  None of us are immune to this temptation, especially those leading the church.  I know that I’m susceptible.  It could happen to me.  That’s why I no longer counsel with females alone.  That’s why I don’t pray with women alone.  That’s why I seldom, if ever, offer females a compliment.  It’s the little things that add up.  As individuals, we have to be on guard!  This isn’t condemning him, btw!  This is caution for you and me. This guy knew to be on guard and that any little slip-up might give the enemy a foothold. You add all that up, and there’s probably a heap of guilt, condemnation, fear, failure, etc. that has got to be overwhelming.  That’s one reason why I’m so saddened.  I’m deeply saddened for other reasons as well when it comes to moral failure in ministry:  

First, there is the spouse.  Spouses of ministers know we’re not perfect, but they know all the pitfalls as well as we do.  With any infidelity, spouses now have to learn to trust again, including trusting God. 

Second, there are the kids.  What lessons do they learn about adulthood, love, commitment, and marriage?  Do young girls now distrust guys?  Do boys learn to pursue pleasure? 

Third, there’s the church!  As if churches in America don’t already have enough to overcome, this is fuel for anti-church folks.  Furthermore, there might be some who are fragile in their faith and this provides the fracture.  I pray that God’s grip is gentle, but firm on those who fit into this category.  

Here’s the rest of what I shared with the staff today:

Here’s the deal:  It doesn’t surprise me, but it deeply saddens me.  

Here’s the confession:  It could happen to all of us in ministry.  Most of us are just one step away from doing something like that.

Here’s the truth:  B/C it could happen to all of us, we have to fight like warriors[ladies, fill-in-the-blank] to make sure that it doesn’t.


You have a target on your back.  While you’re in the process of perfection, you’re still imperfect.  While you’re a new creation, there’s an old creature named Satan still on the prowl.  He’s lurking at the door of every church, everywhere.  All the enemy is waiting for is a crack in the door.  Don’t be stupid and open the door.  An open door is being alone w/ someone.  An open door is a compliment.  An open door is confiding in the other gender about your spouse.  An open door is a glance.   


PLEASE know that it could happen to you!

PLEASE don’t be stupid! 

PLEASE don’t risk your marriage or someone else’s marriage!

PLEASE don’t risk your kids perception of men, women, and ministry.  

PLEASE don’t risk what God’s doing at The Vine.


Need to confess?

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